The Monster Within
by Rae1738
Summary: Lilly's now cold eye's never left Bruce's as she fired the gun into the cop's head. She gave him a small smile before casually walking away. Lilly had become a monster and Bruce wondered if he would ever get her back.
1. Chapter 1

This is the Sequel to Who We Once Were and Who We are now. I recommend you read that one first but I understand that you are an independent individual who might like to live on the edge. I am taking a poll for Lilly's love life in this story! Should she be with Bane or should she be with Batman? You can PM with your vote! Also I am looking for someone to proofread my chapters. I am still undergoing treatment for my Leukemia and I get tired very easily which causes me to get lazy with proof reading. I want to put my best work out there so if you are interested PM about that too. :) Please Review! I love reading your reviews and my nurses love hearing about them! They inspire me to write faster, ;) Thank you for giving this story a shot! Oh and thank you to the Guest review that told me my story sucked, you are awesome!

A shrill ringing from my office phone yanked me out of the coma like sleep I had been in. Just before answering I stopped to wipe the drool from my chin while clearing my throat.

"This is Lilly White speaking."

The sound of sleep was still heavy in my voice but luckily the person on the other line didn't notice. It was my patient Tracey. I attempted to listen to her latest family drama but I struggled to do so. I switched the call to speaker phone, paying more attention to the crackling of my bones than to Mrs. Webb. My back cracked when I stood up causing me to let out a sigh. I paused worrying my patient could hear me but she continued thinking out loud about how evil her step daughter was while my thoughts were drifting to the fight from last night. The four thugs that I fought weren't like the usual ones. I couldn't describe them as thugs at all really. They were educated, trained, and precise. They were not after the normal cheap thrill. These guys were scoping out the stock exchange, they were discussing the ins and outs of it but I couldn't figure out why, it seemed like they were on the verge of revealing the reason when one of them wandered off. I had been watching them when he had ventured off a little ways down the alley, a few minutes before the other pulled out a phone to call someone. I was creeping closer to the group when the straggler attacked a girl. I was surprised when I didn't have to intervene. The leader or who I assumed was the leader took care of him for me. He didn't even speak; just shot the man then left. If I had been paying attention to him and not staring in surprise at the body I would have noticed him throw me a glance before taking off. I missed that though so when I followed the three men I unknowingly made it easier for them. They were expecting me. I should have never been out there last night, I hadn't trained in almost three months, I wasn't sleeping as much or as well as I should and my new lackadaisical habits just made me an easier target. These guys didn't seem to be trying to hurt me though, only to get me to stop tailing them. In fact the leader had every opportunity to kill me but he didn't. One of the men held me down while the leader approached me. He was a tall, slight man however it was clear he was not one to mess with; his stance was strong and poised. He appeared to be former military, an observation that peaked my curiosity even more. He squatted down on my level and gently removed my mask; we stared at each other in silence before he broke it.

"I'm sorry about this." What surprised me was he came off as genuinely apologetic; his hazel eyes gave him away. That didn't stop him from knocking me out with his gun though.

Waking up I half expected to be in the middle of the narrows, certainly not in an abandoned building with a blanket over me. This worried me even more then it would have if they just left me in a random spot. These guys were a part of something much bigger and I wanted to stop it before it hit Gotham, unfortunately I wasn't doing that great of a job. Fighting crime alone in Gotham and being the leading therapist in Gotham wasn't easy. It was catching up to me that was for certain. Every day I was catching myself either not paying attention to my clients...like now or skipping training. Most of the time it was both; I took Tracey off speaker phone and sat back down at my desk.

"Tracey maybe you should just try to listen to Kayleigh, she is trying to adjust to a new mother figure. Both of you need to make an effort if this blended family will work." The woman on the line continued talking about her stepdaughter when a knock sounded at my door. When I didn't answer a tall man entered and sat across from me. He placed a bag down on the desk and pulled out two sandwiches, placing one in front of me. He didn't bother to wait for me before he started eating, a simple act that pinched a nerve in me.

"Yes you can come in if that would help you, why don't you consider bringing her too, for a joint session? Two is perfect. Okay, see you then." Finally I got to hang up. I studied the man in front of me. His brown hair was pushed back but slightly coming forward into his blue eyes. He really needed a haircut but I kind of liked the long hair on him. His normally crisp white shirt was rolled up to his elbows showing off his muscular forearms, his tattoo barely peeking out from his left side. Before I began to eat my lunch I walked around to the other side of the desk and moved his lunch to the side. I sat on top of the desk placing my arms around his neck.

"Hey hot stuff." He laughed but wrapped his long arms around my waist.

"Hey, yourself." Derek leaned in for the kiss which I returned enthusiastically. I wasn't sure if I loved this man but I did love kissing him that was for sure.

"Rough day?" I went back to my side of the desk and began eating my lunch.

"Not really, I will be late-"

'I heard, its okay I have a meeting anyway."

"Who with?"

"John Daggett." I grimaced. I hated that man; he gave me the heebie jeebies to the max. It was very clear to me that he didn't give a shit about Wayne Enterprises, only the money within it.

'About what?"

"Nothing to worry your pretty little head about; were you and Gabe able to finish packing up your place last night?" Shit I forgot about that. Gabe wasn't even in town. But Derek thought he was helping me pack, he didn't know that I was actually out patrolling. I swept my hair into a ponytail and smiled, instantly I tensed when I noticed him eyeing my forehead.

"Lilly what the hell happened to your head?" He was up and by myside immediately. While he examined the cut and bruise I tried shrugging him off.

"Oh you know how clumsy I am; I tripped carrying a box downstairs. It's okay though Gabe made sure I was fine. Anyway yes, it's all ready to go." I gave him my best fake smile which seemed to calm him down. He walked back over to his side of the desk while babbling on and on about what time the movers will be there and how unpacking will go. While he talked about these things my mind strayed to the thought of Bruce. I wondered how he was doing but then remembered that Bruce didn't want anyone checking on him, much less me. Moving in with Derek was a huge step for me, for us. It meant that I was going to have to stop patrolling at night; it was time I left that for the cops and maybe one day for Batman. More importantly though it meant I was really putting Bruce and me behind, I just wished I could stop thinking about him completely. I'm ashamed to admit that I called Alfred not only to see how he was doing but to check up on Bruce, I worried about him more and more. He had become a hermit and was slowly destroying everything his family ever built. I worried he would snap out of it and regret his decisions but Alfred reminded me over and over again that it was not my responsibility to take care of Bruce or his business; after all my degree was not in finances or business.

Things were really hard after Rachel and Harvey died. Bruce decided that the city didn't need Batman but to him that meant the city didn't need Bruce...and I didn't either. Every day he became more and more bitter about it all, which soon creeped into our relationship. He then became bitter that I was still patrolling, the fights we got into about me going out were horrible, until finally we just agreed not to talk about it. Some nights I wouldn't even tell him I was going, I would claim to be staying at my place then go out. Jesus, it's hard to believe that was six years ago. It's even harder to think that we made it for four of those years. I had started to worry about the future of Wayne Enterprises then, I would notice the struggle the orphanages were having every week that I stopped in there to volunteer and so I got this second job. I became a family therapist as well as working at Arkham. Everything I made working here I would have Fox put into the foundation, trying to help anyway I could. It wasn't enough though and I soon realized that somewhere along the way of working eighty to nighty hours a week then patrolling that I lost not only myself but my relationship with Bruce. I would stay up talking to Alfred about it, trying to figure something out but eventually even he started to give up. He was the first person to tell me to leave, he asked me why I was killing myself for someone who didn't care and I listened to him. Everything was just so different now, including me. I had a chance to get a little piece of my old self back though and I was thinking of taking it.

"Arkham wants me to start working there again." Blue eyes studied my green ones, choosing how to approach the topic.

"I don't really think that's a good idea, aren't you happy here?" My body deflated a little.

"Yes, I am happy but...this isn't exactly the career I wished for...helping families become blended or husband's think of excuses as to why they aren't faithful...it's..." My sentence trailed off, I had to be careful this is what his father and mother did after all.

"Mediocre?" I winced at his biting tone. My silence didn't deter his words from flowing easily between us.

'Lilly, you have a good thing going here, you get paid well, you have a steady client list, and it's safe. Besides I make enough money that you don't really need to work." I didn't have the courage to debate with him about this further, it wasn't the first time we had this conversation and he made it clear he doesn't even want me to be working. I never thought I would be the type of woman to bite my tongue around a man just to please them, but I also knew that I was lucky he didn't push for me to quit work all together. Derek Redwood came from a very rich family. When I started to work here his father was on the brink of retirement and his mother had retired years ago. They were old money though and didn't really need these jobs. His dad hired me immediately and soon after was introducing me to his son, "the stock broker on the rise." Derek was sweet, charming and good looking, he never pushed me in fact he became my friend fast, he understood that I wasn't ready for a relationship but clearly that didn't last forever. I was the perfect woman for him according to his mother, I was humble, use to the press, and intelligent; exactly what he needed. Sometimes I appreciated the difference between my old life and my new, the old one I was the playboy's plaything and everyone questioned when we would break up, then I was the recluse's only link to the outside world. Now I'm Derek Redwoods girlfriend, and the questions were more on the lines of "when were we getting married? What a breath of fresh air we are." I tend to snort at those articles because what they really mean to say is "Typical wealthy family picks safe normal girl." When in reality they would die if they knew what I did at night. Maybe one day I'll just be Lilly White in the papers. Nah, I don't really want to be in the papers at all now that I think about it.

"Yeah, you're right; I guess I just like having options." Patting my hand he nodded his head in understanding.

"Don't forget tonight is Gordon's thing at the Wayne manor. We'll have dinner with my parent's beforehand, okay?"

"Okay." We finished the meal in silence, I gave him a brief kiss then he left. I was relieved when the day was over. I went home to see my things being packed up, ready to be moved to my new home but I didn't really care. I stopped caring about things like that a while ago. Maybe I should go see a therapist myself...ha. Laughing to myself at my train of thought I walked into my now bare room, the only things left inside it are the things I needed for tonight's occasion. In the shower I tried washing my melancholy mood away and to motivate myself for tonight's party. It would be nice to see Alfred and Gordon and dinner with the Redwoods was never horrible, just normal. I slipped into the black halter dress before pinning my hair back making sure it was off my neck so that the attention would be on the halter of the dress. I slipped into my heels and then gazed in the mirror. I hated what I saw now. Refusing to ponder on that thought I just did my makeup instead. My eyes were smoky, but my lips were nude and in an act of defiance I placed the drop diamond earrings that Bruce gave me in my ears. A knock sounded on my door and when I turned around Derek was leaning against the door frame.

"You look beautiful." When Derek said things like that my heart didn't flutter nor did I need to worry about blushing. Those things didn't happen at all anymore; a fact that didn't bother me as much as it should have.

'Thank you, are you ready?" He nodded and we left for the restaurant. Conversation flowed between the four of us while we ate. We talked about work, friends, Gotham news and the reason behind tonight's event. All through dinner his parents doted on me, they complemented my dress and his father asked him multiple times how Derek won a "girl like me", the clichés of it all almost relaxed me. It ended much too soon in fact. I sighed deeply at the thought of going to the Wayne manor. This was not going to be fun that was for sure, I was well aware that my attitude about Bruce and everything that took place resembled a high school break up, I just didn't know how else to act. That man drove me over the edge; I hadn't even been back since we ended things. The only contact I had to Bruce now was what Alfred told me in our weekly chats. Thinking about this took me back to that day.

 _"Bruce...will you please talk to me?"_

 _"About what Lilly?"_

 _"About us? Life? Hell you can even tell me about the tea you're drinking. Just please talk to me."_

" _I don't have anything to say that hasn't been said."_

 _"You haven't had anything to say in months Bruce...I'm worried about us, about you. You're hiding from the world now, you're not talking to me, to Alfred, Bruce we hardly have a relationship now. This isn't healthy; you're living life like a ninety year old man. Is it because I'm working two jobs? I know that I don't have a lot of time but...well Bruce you need the money your foundation its-_

 _"I don't want to hear it."_

 _"Okay. Well, I'm trying to have an adult conversation with you, could you at least pretend to care? Can't you pretend to want to help this relationship?"_

 _"Don't you have some saving to do?" I rolled my eyes at the immature comment._

 _"We've been over this Bruce, just because you're not Batman right now doesn't mean Gotham won't need him later, besides Gotham needs Bruce Wayne right now. I need Bruce Wayne."_

 _"Stop pretending to understand Lilly! I'm nothing if I'm not Batman; I'm going out of my mind not helping people, being nobody." His hand shot out knocking the glass to the side making it shatter against the wall. His anger surprised me causing me to jump back._

 _"How can I understand if you won't talk to me? You are someone, you are a HUGE part of this city, not Batman but Bruce Wayne, this city would go to shit without your foundations and company, your MY significant other, I wouldn't be sane without you. Bruce we're a team, talk to me, tell me what I can do to fix this; to help you. "_

" _Don't try to shrink me, go out and save the world, I'm fine."_

" _Fine." At this point I just sounded desperate. We went through this everyday it seemed. When I walked out of the room I was met with the sight of Alfred._

 _'Lilly..." he pulled me into a hug but I wasn't bothering to cry._

" _I just don't know what to do Alfred; this isn't healthy for any of us."_

" _Lilly you can't save a man who just wants to drown. You have a life, maybe it's time you go live it and not kill yourself for him, he's not the Bruce you deserve; you deserve to be happy and to have someone who puts just as much effort into your relationship." I went and tried to talk to Bruce once more before I left for good. He didn't say a word to me when I told him I was leaving just stared out his damn window._

Derek speaking pulled me out of my lost thoughts; I smiled at him and nodded to whatever he was saying. He suddenly gripped my hand, pulling my eyes away from the window.

"I was going to wait to do this but I know you don't like grand gestures and I don't want to wait any longer." I don't like grand gestures, you're right about that.

"Can't wait for what Derek?" Ice gripped my heart when I watched him pull out a little box from his pocket. Oh great, I couldn't decide if I really wanted to be in this relationship but the gods decide to make him propose?

"Lilly, marry me. Make me the happiest man alive. Marry me?" Tears filled my eyes whether from joy or sadness I wasn't willing to admit. Derek deserved love. He deserved to be happy, am I really what makes him happy? If I was, I wasn't sure I could break his heart, he was too nice.

"You really want to marry me?" He scoffed at my question; the ring was already on my finger. It was heavy, it felt out of place. I told myself I only felt that way because I wasn't use to it. I guess I didn't really need to answer him, besides he was already leaning in and kissing me. He gripped my hand and occasionally kissed me all the way to the party. When we arrived it was just how it should have been for a couple like us. Everyone congratulating us, giving hugs, kissing cheeks, smiling, laughing, and happy but I just felt like I was being suffocated.

"I'd like to go tell Alfred..." I whispered in his ear.

'Would you like for me to come?" No because I also need to tell Bruce and both hate your guts, well Alfred does, Bruce doesn't know you.

'No, you stay with your friends." It didn't take me long to find Alfred.

"Everything is still running as smoothly as ever it seems." His head whipped to me and a sad smile graced his features.

"How are you doing my dear?" Here it goes.

"Well…I'm engaged." He tried to cover the look of disappointment. I saw it anyway. I tried smiling anyway.

"I guess congratulations are in order, Mr. Redwood is a lucky man." He wrapped me in his arms which I returned gratefully.

"I'm sorry Alfred."

"You have nothing to apologize for Lilly Rae, I never expected a woman like you to be overlooked for long. I just hope you're happy." We stared at each other for a while, my secret evident on my face and his pity evident on his.

"Is he upstairs? I would like to be the one to tell him before it's in the papers." Alfred nodded and squeezed my shoulders once more before sending me on my way. I heard talking coming from the room so I waited for a bit before going in, when the woman stepped out of the room we briefly made eye contact before she continued on her way. I didn't bother to knock, I simply walked into the room. His back was turned to me, he looked like my Bruce, except my Bruce would be outside laughing and charming his guest, my Bruce would be by my side, he wouldn't be a living dead man. I cleared my throat to gain his attention. Leaning heavily on the cane he turned and faced me. A look of longing crossed his features briefly but he schooled his expression so fast that I thought I imagined it.

"Lilly-what, what a surprise...I didn't think you, well you look beautiful." I didn't miss his eyes going to my earrings or the flutter in my stomach at his words. Huh, maybe I could still suffer those feelings after all.

"Bruce I um-"I cleared my throat, I know that if I was going to face Bruce then I needed to get my shit together and do it like an adult. That required a steady voice.

"Bruce I have something I wanted to tell you, I didn't want you to hear it from someone else." He stared at me in silence, no trace of the love we use to share on his face. I almost felt like I was a business associate and nothing more. Maybe if I handled it that way I wouldn't feel like I was going to throw up.

"Go on." He seemed bored. I was embarrassed now. Was I doing the right thing by telling him myself?

"Der-I just wanted to tell you I was thinking of you, that if you need anything I'm here for you." Yeah…I'm chicken shit and I couldn't do it. I know I looked like a coward and my eyes probably portrayed my every emotion like they always did. His eyes however didn't betray any kind of emotion, he almost looked bored.

"Thank you Lilly." I rolled my eyes at his over polite response but was surprised he even responded at all. I nodded once at him and then turned and walked out of the room. Leaning against the side of the door I closed my eyes and let out the breath I didn't know I was holding. A million thoughts were running through my head but the main one that kept going around and around was that if I was going to marry Derek then I needed to find a way to not loose myself. I couldn't let all of this ruin me. I liked patrolling, I enjoyed fighting and saving lives; even if it was the occasional random drunk. They deserved saving too. I glanced back at the door I knew held my best friend and also a part of me but instead of walking back in, I walked back outside and joined my fiancée. I smiled and thanked the well-wishers, held Derek's hand, and planned on how to get my life together.

Derek told me on the way home that he was going to drop me off, he had a meeting with John Daggett and one of his business associates. That gave me the opportunity to go out tonight and I had no intention of passing that up. Once I was in action I went straight to my usual haunts, keeping an eye out for easy criminals to catch. I wanted to start training again and a few practice rounds couldn't hurt. I thought I found one so I dropped silently into the alley hoping to sneak up on him, when he turned to grin at me I knew I had been set up. Two guys behind me attacked first but I managed to roll out of the way and slam my hand into the first man's nose. Hearing a satisfying crunch and feeling the spray of blood I moved my attention to the others. They knew what they were doing but I was quick…for the first half hour. Then one finally caught me, wrapping his beefy hand around my neck and squeezing it till my breath cut off. Thinking fast I dropped all of my weight down causing him to release me and letting me swipe the legs out from under a smaller guy. Once he was down on the ground I knocked him out, but before I could finish the job my wrist was caught in someone's hand, I couldn't tell who's at this point. The man snapped it back causing me to yell out in pain and rendering that hand useless. I didn't have a chance to focus on the pain. Two more men appeared in the alley and ran at me. I continued to fight but I was starting to get tired and the pain was definitely getting to me. My mind was racing, a thousand thoughts per second. Where were all these men coming from? How did they know I was here? How did no one hear us fighting? I lost focus for a second and then a shot rang out. I bit my lip to stop from screaming, one of the men shot my left knee. I dropped like a sack of potatoes. I was done and I knew that but I refused to admit it. I wanted my answers. When they approached me I struggled back into a corner, I was nothing more than a caged animal at this point. One tried reaching for me but I grabbed his wrist and snapped it in the same manner that mine had been snapped.

"An eye for an eye dick." I spat on the man's shoes. The others simply backed away after that, confusing me. I watched as they all stood in attention and turned away from me. My focus shifted to behind me, landing on the same man from before with another two men behind him. Just like before he crouched down in front of me before speaking to me.

"Once again I am sorry for this."

'Sorry for what? Who are you?"

"You'll see." Something slammed into the back of my head making my vision blurry, then everything went back.

Waking up I was laying on the cold ground, my body ached. My knee hurt the worse but shooting pains danced up and down my arm. I tried sitting up but all I managed was a wince.

"Lilly? Lilly are you okay?" Fear gripped my heart. That was Derek's voice. All I could think was a desperate plea for that not to be him. I rolled over ignoring the protest from my body. My heart stopped when my eyes met his blue ones. Just like this afternoon, except one of his eyes were swollen shut. He had been beaten.

'Derek? Why, what?"

"Lilly I swear I'll fix this, I'll get us out of this, I swear, I'm so sorry." Why was he apologizing? "Derek I-"male voices cut my thoughts off. The man from earlier entered with a much larger one beside him. My eyes widened at the sheer size of the man, a mask covered most of his face only leaving his dark eyes visible, everything about this man screamed for me to get away. He ignored Derek and stared at me. The intimidation caused me to look away, focusing on Derek. Derek glanced at me before starting to cry. He was terrified that I knew but why was he here?

"How did she do?"

"She did much better than I was expecting, you were right."

"I know."

"What do you want me to do with him?" They were talking about us like we weren't even there but it didn't stop me from praying that they would let Derek go. I hadn't realized I made the plea out loud.

"You request for this man's freedom but you have no idea the crimes he has committed."

"Derek hasn't done anything, let him go, you want me, so let him go." The hulking man casually walked over to me, placing his boot dangerously close to my hand, when I went to pull it away he placed the heavy boot on top of my hand. I almost wanted to laugh at the sheer size difference between my hand and his boot.

"Please…" I could hear Derek's sobs. Every time he sucked in a breath I winced but the man standing above me didn't seem fazed at all.

"This man has been working to bring down Wayne Enterprises behind your back, he's been going behind your back and stealing from the foundations you continue to give money to, he's been stealing from the poor to keep his pockets full, all behind your back."

"Wha-what?" I stretched and looked at Derek who only cried harder.

'I'm sorry Lilly, I'm sorry-"Distracting me from Derek's pleas the man placed all his weight on my hand. Several of my fingers cracked. I bit my lip so hard that I tasted blood in my mouth. I tried to keep my gaze on Derek, praying for someone to come and save us. I could hear him apologizing but the only thing I could think was where the hell was Batman?


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER TWO:

I couldn't keep focusing on where Bruce was and cursing him for giving up his night job. I needed to get myself fixed up enough to get out of here. I needed to get Derek out of here. I couldn't figure out why he was here though, surely his crime wasn't deserving of death and shouldn't I be the one who wanted revenge? I was the one he was stealing from. Something bigger was going on. I couldn't think about that though, I needed to focus. I was really fucked up. My knee was pulsing, I had lost a lot of blood and knew by the shaking of my hands that if I didn't stop it from bleeding then I wasn't just fucked, I was royally fucked. That wasn't my only problem though, I also had my left arm which was completely useless with my wrist and three of my fingers broken. My eyes briefly glanced at the ring glittering from a harsh angle on that hand. The swelling was so bad that the ring cut off my circulation. Why the hell didn't I take that off before going out tonight? My focus was everywhere because I was panicking. My heart was pumping in overtime, my breaths coming quick. I tried regulating my breathing but it wasn't working. I went through all of the mental tricks I was taught by Alfred. This caused me to flash back to the first time I had an attack.

" _Miss White?" Alfred caught me on the floor in the bedroom, I couldn't catch my breath and my heart was pumping in overtime._

" _Lilly!" I hardly processed him rushing forward and kneeling in front of me. His hands firmly gripped the sides of my face, making our eyes meet. I desperately tried to catch my breath._

" _Lilly breathe with me, when I breathe in you do the same, okay?" I barley nodded when he began to breathe in and then out, in and then out, in, out. Over and over until finally I caught my breath and my heart drummed at a calmer pace._

" _I'm so sorry Alfred, I- I just. I don't know what happened. One second I was packing and-"_

" _You were having a panic attack Lilly." Alfred believed it had been set off by the pictures I had been packing, the "emotions became overwhelming, I am sure" is what he said. Either way it wasn't the first one he had to walk me through, what I didn't know was that Bruce witnessed many of them from the shadows._

I pulled myself out of the memory when I got my breathing under control. No one was paying me any attention, which was good. I watched intently as Derek begged for the hulking man's forgiveness, even telling him that he could keep me but to let him go. I felt like I was going to throw up. I was sickened by Derek's whimpering, a feeling that shocked me. Wasn't it understandable that he would say these things? Shouldn't I be feeling sympathy instead of anger? Maybe I was just confused about my feelings…nope never mind it's definitely anger. I wanted Bane to shut Derek up already, punish him if that's what he wanted to do.

I tore off a piece of my sleeve using my teeth and tied it tightly around the bullet wound in my leg, the bullet went straight through but I wouldn't be able to do shit with my leg not properly taken care of, I wasn't even sure tying it off would help me. I didn't want to draw attention to myself. The less Bane paid attention to me the more likely I could think of a way out of here. I also didn't want him to stop talking, I was soaking up his words, trying to figure this puzzle out. From what I could gather Derek and John Daggett employed Bane in order to help take over Wayne Enterprises. Derek was John's pawn and was stealing the money from the foundations, mainly the orphanages, and using that money to pay Bane. He was using it to pay his half of the deal because if he helped Daggett then together they will take over Wayne Enterprises. Derek was stealing because his accounts are still linked to his families and he didn't want to be traced back to Bane in anyway. In tonight's "business meeting" Derek made a smart comment to Bane about just being the muscle of the plan and nothing more. Well Bane decided that Derek was disposable and that's why he's here tonight. Unfortunately, my eavesdropping was interrupted by the man who I've encountered one to many times before and was buddy buddy with Bane himself.

He crouched down in front of me and reached for my hand, he only gently pulled it back when I roughly yanked it out of his reach. His grip and eyes held mine steady. I could only watch him as he moved on from looking at my hand to my knee. I let out a hiss when he touched it.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"Looking at your hand and knee."

"Why?"

"I'm part of the reason you're here and that's your first question?"

"What should my first question be? Why am I here? From experience I've learned that question never gets answered." He glanced up at me and smirked.

"That's true." He put more pressure on one of my fingers causing my eyes to well up with tears.

"Fuck!" I jerked my hand away from him, all he did in return was smirk.

"You're giving me mixed signals here, building me up then tearing me down and now taking care of me? A girl could get confused, especially when I don't even know your name." His smirk only grew.

'I'm Barsad."

"I'm going to throw out a guess here and say you already know who I am."

"We all know who you are." If the loss of blood didn't cause me to be pale, the fear I felt when I realized Bane's attention was on me and Barsad caused all the blood to leave my face. I kept my focus on Barsad, hoping Bane would go away. He scared me. A feeling I wasn't unfamiliar with lately but it wasn't the same kind of fear. For once, since I was taken by the Joker, I was scared shitless that I was going to lose my life.

"We all know who you are, I've had my men watch you for weeks now. You fight for justice in this pit, you wish to cleanse this city of its filth. You've given seventy percent of your inheritance to the orphanages, twenty you've invested in children's medical research, you have only kept ten percent for yourself. Then at night you rid the streets of the scum of Gotham."

"I know all of this, it is my life after all. What's your point?"

"You were born into privilege but you refuse to live that way, you live by what you earn and nothing more. You're angry about the lies this man told you. I could see the fire burning in your eyes when I told you he was taking the money from the causes you stand so firmly behind. I commend you on the way you live when everything and everyone around you screams for you to live a more lavish life. But you're not really living are you?" I refused to answer him so he squatted in front of me at eye level. I turned my head away from him but his hand gripped my chin with bruising force making me face him.

"I will free you from the burdens of society, you will be broken only to rise again and you will see Gotham receive the reckoning it deserves."

"You want me to help you because I live off my paycheck and not my inheritance? Are you crazy? What reckoning? What are you planning?"

"I'm recruiting you because you are exactly what we need."

"That doesn't answer any of my questions. It leaves me with more. Why would you need me? I'm just one person." I should learn to shut up in scary situations. It didn't matter though because Bane was done talking to me and instead he turned his attention back on Derek.

"Money does not equal power Mr. Redwood." By this point Derek was a blubbering mess, I don't think he could even hear himself. Bane turned his attention to Barsad.

"Kill him." Bane turned back to me causing me to try and push myself backwards but it was a useless attempt. He lifted me up in his arms as though I weighed nothing. The full body movement caused my pain to hit me like a truck. It didn't take long before the pain and my state of exhaustion overwhelmed me making my eyes heavy and rendering my brain useless in registering the sight of Barsad shooting Derek in the head.

I woke up in a pitch black room days ago. I shouldn't really call it a room. It was a cell. My knee had been stitched closed but my fingers were left alone. My wrist had even been wrapped. I tried setting my fingers as best I could but that wasn't easy in the dark. The ring was gone, I couldn't bring myself to care. The only light I had was what filtered in underneath the door but that wasn't anything. The room was damp and cold. I was hungry and thirsty. Every now and then I could hear the sound of boots walking past my door but they never stopped. I was praying that someone would stop. My eyes had adjusted to the dark room but there wasn't anything to look at. It was wall to wall concrete. The damp musty smell assaulted my nose and left my eyes to constantly water, I wanted nothing more than to get out of here. Did anyone notice Derek and I were missing? Or did Bane drop his body to be found? Becoming a vigilantly for this city was the worst mistake I have ever made. It destroyed my relationships and now would probably mean my death. I was smart enough to know that I was no threat to Bane, especially with all of his men around. Besides it was looking like he was going to leave me in this room to rot. I understand why people in these situations lose their minds. I was close to it. Just when I thought I couldn't take anymore I heard footsteps outside. This time they stopped.

Normally it only sounded like one man but I know I heard two. I listened closely. My ears immediately perked up when I heard my name. With my heart pounding and knowing I needed to act fast I crouched down low in the darkest corner of my cell. I was weak, therefore I knew that I had a slim chance of taking two men down by myself. Surprise was going to have to work in my favor. If I could surprise at least one of them and take them down then I could take down the other and run. I might die trying but I wasn't going to let them starve me to death or worse take my mind from me. The door opened quickly, the light streaming in stunned me longer than it should have. I didn't consider the idea of my eyes being sensitive to light after being in the dark for so long. Before they had a chance to spot me though I pounced. I immediately wrapped my legs around one of the men and punched him. I got lucky and hit right at his temple. He was down. My eye sight was still weak so I stumbled to the other guy. Struggling with him weakened me further but after a few minutes I got ahold of his gun. I knocked him out and turned to run. I had no clue where I would run to but I needed to try something. It was right after I turned to run that I ran right into a wall. Except it wasn't a wall at all. It was a Bane. He grabbed my shoulders and held me at arm's length.

"You were right Barsad." I was going to lose my shit.

"Let go of me! Just fucking kill me but don't send me back in that room! I won't-"

"You are not going back to the room Lillian." Oh. Well good. I guess. I didn't feel very relieved but I couldn't go back to that room.

"Take care of them and meet us in the training room." Barsad nodded once before throwing a saucy wink at me. I would give anything to punch that man. Bane guided me down a long hallway and stopped in front of a ladder.

"Climb."

"What?"

"Climb. I will follow."

"No." His eyebrow rose at my challenge.

"I will force you to climb Lillian."

'Stop calling me that and no. I want answers." I didn't get answers. Instead he threw me over his shoulder and climbed up the ladder. He didn't let me down until we came to a large open room, I could see steal bridges over my head but besides that the room was empty, it too was a concrete cell. Just larger.

"Sit." I did as I was told this time. Not eating or drinking caught up to me and my adrenalin has given away to fear and exhaustion.

"Are you going to kill me?" I didn't think he heard me because he showed no indication that he had.

"Do you want me too?" I didn't bother to look at him.

"No."

"That will change." My fear reached its peak. My heart was drumming so loud in my ears that I didn't hear Barsad enter the room. I didn't notice him until he was crouched down next to me. He pulled out something from a back pack and handed it to me. It was a water bottle. Two beats passed and I just stared at the bottle. This could be a trick or it could really be water. I pondered if I should take it. Figuring that I was a dead girl anyway I grabbed it from hands and began to drink.

"Woah, slow down." I almost cried when he took it from me.

"If you continue to drink that fast you'll get sick. Take little sips." I didn't answer him.

"Can you do that?" Slowly I nodded and silently took the water back. Then he gave me food. I would take a sip and he would hand me a piece of some kind of bar. This continued until both were gone.

"Thank you." I don't know who was more stunned by my thanks, me or him. He nodded once then stood back up and went to talk to Bane, who had been watching our exchange silently. I didn't hear what they were saying and I didn't care. I just wanted to sleep. I wanted to sleep and not think, not feel, not live this nightmare. A nightmare that I couldn't help thinking I created myself.

"Up Lillian." I didn't move fast enough to please Bane so Barsad came and lifted me up under my armpits.

"What are you going to do with me now?"

"I'm going to train you." As soon as the metallic sounding words left his mask the lights went out and a steal fist met my cheek. I was officially in hell.

Back in Gotham things were much different. Two weeks had passed since the benefit and Bruce's mind was preoccupied with the pretty cat burglar. Alfred was happy that Bruce was getting back out but he wasn't pleased that Batman had to come out again as well. He just wanted Bruce to find happiness and peace. He knew that as long as the Batman was needed that wouldn't happen though. Alfred was in the lounge room tidying up when he thought about Lilly. He needed to give her a call. He hadn't talked to her since the night of the benefit but he wanted to make sure she knew he was always here, whether she was a White or a Redwood. He couldn't help but think that she should be a Wayne. Bruce still loved Lilly he could act like he didn't in front of her but Alfred knew better. Alfred saw all the signs, from him keeping the picture of them by his bed, Bruce telling Alfred the best ways to work through a panic attack, and the way he looked after hearing the news of her engagement. Alfred's heart broke for both of them. The more he thought about Lilly the more he thought about how odd it was that he hadn't heard from her. He sat down and grabbed the phone. While it rang he switched on the television to see what was going on in Gotham. The phone fell from his hands and he rushed to get Bruce.

"Bruce you need to turn on the news."

"Why?"

"Damnit Bruce turn on the news!" Bruce was stunned by Alfred yelling at him but he quickly did what he was told and turned it on. Derek Redwood's face filled the screen with the headline "Body of prominent Gotham figure found in river." Bruce immediately turned up the volume. He picked up his cell and dialed a number faster than Alfred had ever seen.

"Who are you calling?"

"Lilly."

"Bruce-"

"She can't see this on the news Alfred." She didn't answer so he kept calling.

"Bruce you know as well as I do that she won't answer." Alfred had a terrible feeling that Lilly was not going to be found as easily as Bruce assumed.

"She will. She's not like me, she'll answer my calls."

"You know that's not what I'm saying." Bruce knew what he was saying but he didn't care, he kept letting the phone ring anyway. Praying she would answer. The reporters droned on with repeated statements and images of Derek's family. Finally, they began giving details Bruce and Alfred hadn't heard before. Bruce put the phone down.

"This just in- Derek Redwood's Death is determined to be from a single shot to the head but multiple other wounds are visible. Autopsy reports states that he has been dead for at least two weeks. The Redwoods released a statement saying that they had filed a report last Wednesday but wanted to keep the issue quiet. As far as we know Ms. White has no family and no one has heard from Bruce Wayne who was listed as her emergency contact at her past job at Arkham. Could she be staying with him?" The screen switched back to the reporter on scene, GPD was swarming the area behind the reporter, taking pictures, bagging up stuff and examining the body.

"Actually, Amanda we do know that Ms. White has a brother but no one has contacted him at this moment, and as far as Bruce Wayne goes GPD does not believe he needs to be involved. They believe that she wouldn't have contacted him, although Mister Wayne is seen as a recluse he is still seen as a prominent figure in this city and we believe he wouldn't hesitate to turn her in." They thought she was a suspect. How could they really believe she would do something like this? Lilly loved Derek. Didn't she?

"Did she love him Alfred?"

"I don't know."

"She wouldn't do this, and if they thought she did then why wouldn't they contact her brother, it's almost as if they are keeping something from us." Alfred had to agree.

"How could I let this happen?" He had been distracted by Selena Kyle. He hadn't thought about Lilly once. That wasn't true, he was enraged the morning after the benefit when he saw the two of them smiling like a perfect couple celebrating their engagement. They looked like the next Kennedy's in the picture. He promised to not bother with thoughts of her after that and he focused on the cat burglar. That's what he wanted after all, for her to be happy and free of him. He felt sick. How could this be happening? Where the hell was his Lilly!?

The horror of the situation only grew as the citizens of Gotham were given more details. There was no sign of foul play at Lilly's place but there was a sign of a major struggle in Derek's. If GPD didn't believe Lilly killed Derek before then the way the apartments looked certainly implied that she had. Maybe she was just with Gabe, she flew out after the announcement of the engagement and she just hasn't been back. That's why they don't know where she is and that's why there wasn't a struggle at her place. She wasn't involved in this. But Bruce didn't want her to hear about this from the news. He definitely didn't want her to hear that she was a murder suspect. Bruce was on the phone again but this time he was hoping to get ahold of Gabe.

"This just in on the Redwood case, Police just stated that they found Lilly Whites engagement ring in one of Derek's pockets." Both men sat down heavily on the sofa. The air thick with tension and defeat. This was happening with Lilly. How could Bruce let this happen? Gabe answered his phone on the fourth ring.

"Hello?" Bruce had to clear his throat twice before he could speak.

"Gabe, its Bruce."

"What do you want Bruce?" His tone was less than friendly. It was friendlier than their last conversation that the two men had. Gabe came to get the last few boxes Lilly had left at the pent house. Bruce had overheard her call to him a few nights before, she had just suffered another panic attack.

" _Hey, it's me. I-Gabe, I need you." Bruce couldn't hear what Gabe was saying but he watched as Lilly bit her lip to keep it from trembling, a habit she just started a few months ago. A habit created because of him._

" _I just can't do this. I got most of it but he's leaving for the pent house tomorrow and I have things I need to get there too." That was the reason he was going to the pent house, he wanted to be where she was for as long as he could. He knew that once she was gone it was for good. Lilly needed to be as far away from him as possible. If she didn't get away then she would end up like Rachel. When Gabe showed up at the pent house things went south. He sported a shiner for a week after their encounter._

" _Gabe what a surprise, what can I do for you?"_

" _Shove it up your ass Bruce, you know why I'm here." He brushed past Bruce and went to the bedroom. Lilly probably told him where her things would be._

" _Gabe just because your sister and I broke up doesn't mean we can't still talk to each other. We can be adults." Gabe had Bruce pinned to the wall before he could even blink._

" _I watched my sister wait and wallow for you for years. Years! I told her to give you a second chance and this is how you treat her!? Lilly deserved better than you. She always has, your nothing more than a prick. If you so much as look at my sister again, I swear to God, nothing and I mean nothing will hold me back." Bruce laughed. He didn't mean to but he laughed. If only Gabe knew that this was all for Lilly's protection in the first place. He got the shiner after that._

"I'm calling about Lilly."

"You son of a bitch I told you to leave her alone." Bruce didn't want to tell Gabe about Lilly.

"Gabriel, Lilly is missing. Derek was found dead this morning and her ring was found in his coat." Gabe listened to Bruce after that. He went through all the details with him and booked him the red eye into Gotham. This didn't make Bruce feel much better, in fact when he hung up the phone and looked at Alfred he felt even worse.

He didn't feel as bad as Lilly did at that moment though. If Bruce had seen her now he wouldn't even recognize her. Her face was busted up, covered in hellish shades of black and blue, one eye was swollen shut. He neck was covered in the same colored bruises but in the shape of hands. She looked like she was barely hanging on.

"Get up." I shook my head no like a child. My blubbering tears left stinging trails down my face. He wasn't going to let me get away with this. It wasn't the first time we'd been through this. He stalked towards me and pulled me up by my hair.

"Kill him."

"N-n-no." His fist connected with my ribs in a brutal fashion.

"Kill him Lillian. He's been stealing from the poor for years. He takes pleasure in getting rich off their money, kill him." The man crouched before me had eyes that were pleading for mercy, I couldn't do it.

"I won't do it!" Bane threw me down.

"You are weak. Worthless. Do you think you're doing the world a favor by helping him?" Bane snapped the man's neck. This was the third one in three days.

"Barsad take her." Barsad pulled me up and dragged my limp body down the long hallway, he sat me down on a chair and just stood at attention beside me.

"Please just kill me." For once in the time that I had been trapped in this hell the man beside me seemed stunned. His head whipped to face mine. He crouched down and gently grasped my tender face but still I could barely see him.

"You don't want that. Lilly you just need to do what he's training you to do. Then you will be liberated. Don't wish for death."

'Please Barsad. Please.' Barsad went to say something else but quickly stood back up when he heard Bane approaching. He didn't speak, he just motioned at Barsad who suddenly was holding me down. Neither man spoke above me, I couldn't tell what was going on until I heard the distinct sound of scissors. He chopped off a chunk of my hair. I didn't bother to move. I assumed this was some sick way of breaking me down further and I was ashamed to admit that it worked. My red curls were a part of my identity, and he was slowly cutting them all off. Once my hair was short enough he began to shave it off. More tears fell from my eyes.

"Get her ready for tonight." I didn't bother asking what was happening tonight. My hands couldn't stop brushing over my now bald head. Getting ready for tonight consisted of me having to put on road gear for a motorcycle and given a helmet. Once those things were on Bane tucked me in front of him, then we drove off to the stock exchange. I don't know what exactly they did inside the building but I do know that there were other hostages besides me when we all left and this time I was put on the back of the bike. The chase was causing me to get motion sickness. Bane swerved in and out and sped through the streets of Gotham like it was nothing. I couldn't even focus on the other hostages. My plan had been to keep my head down when I felt Bane chuckle, I glanced up to see what he was chuckling about when my eyes landed on a very familiar bike. Bane swerved his bike to come to a stop and Bruce did the same. As soon as the bikes stopped I ripped off my helmet. I tried to run for it but Bane didn't even give me the allusion that I could get away with it. Bruce was staring at me.

"Br-Help me please! It's me, Lilly, please!" He didn't do anything. He was just staring at me. Why wasn't he doing anything? Bane began to drive off.

"Batman! Please! I'm sorry! I'm sorry just help me!" Bane sped up while I croaked the words out. My eyes flooded over as I watched my last hope be surrounded by cops and fade away. I don't remember what happened next because that was when my body collapsed.

"Alfred could you come here?" Alfred leaned over Bruce who was staring at a surveillance footage from last night. The image zoomed in on the largest bike with the hostage on the back. That hostage had taken off their helmet. Bruce could have sworn that this particular hostage had been trying to tell him something but he couldn't understand what they were saying.

"Does this hostage look familiar to you?" Both men stared at the picture but it was Bruce that made the connection first.

"Oh god. Oh god. No. No. NO!" He slammed his hands on the desk and stood up, he yanked his hands through his hair in frustration. The hostage was telling him that she was Lilly.


	3. Chapter 3

***Hey guys, this will be the final chapter. I had uploaded it earlier but I re vamped it and double checked it. I'm sure it still sucks and I'm really sorry about that. I've gotten a few reviews that were good but mostly it's been guest reviews telling me that it sucks. I wasn't given constructive criticism that helped me fix the problems or tell me what I was doing wrong only that it was a "disaster" or "like high-school drama," I get frustrated when I don't know how to fix it. People just don't seem to enjoy my writing anymore so I'm going to leave it for now. I do want to take the time to thank the readers who sent me suggestions, reviews, followed and favorited my story. You guys have no idea how uplifting and encouraging that it to writers. I know it wasn't a lot of you but the few who did you guys really uplifted me, especially when I would get the messages and reviews or notifications during my chemo treatments. You helped get me through those shitty times. Thank you. I am so very sorry that my work was crappy, you deserve better than that. ***

It has been at least a month since I watched my life disappear from the back of a motorcycle. Since then I've been training. For what, I still wasn't sure. I've given up hope that Bruce would come and find me. When we made eye contact as I rode away, I knew I didn't have a chance. He didn't care, in the end, it was Gotham or me and with Batman, Gotham always came first. After that, the first week I was here was hell. No one talked to me unless it was Barsad who was instructed to train me. Bane grew frustrated with me and quickly learned that I couldn't withstand his "training." Barsad had no intention of letting me slack off, every day we went through a grueling training session in the morning, then again in the afternoon, and in the evening he instructed me on a multitude of tasks. I only saw Bane occasionally, at first, that was what I wanted and made my nerves relax a bit but the longer I stayed and listened to Barsad talk and tell me his story and how Bane saved him the more I wanted to know about him and the more I wanted to see him. I received a room that was located on the same hallway as Bane and Barsad's but still I never saw Bane unless he wanted me to see him. My thoughts were drifting further and further away from Bruce and Gotham and closer and closer to Bane and pleasing him. Every day during training my mind would go back to how disappointed he looked when I couldn't kill that man. Part of me didn't want him ever to see me that way again while the other part was worried why I would feel that way. After watching Bruce become smaller and smaller in the distance, I devoted myself to trying to survive and the only way to do that was to train, keep my mind busy and keep the attention off of me. If I blended in, then no one would pay me any mind; my mind never stopped to think about the fact that Bane wanted me here for a particular reason. My mind just stayed focused on survival. By the end of the second week, the men had grown used to my presence and began to acknowledge me. The younger guys talked to me the most, but a few of the older men would occasionally sit with me in the dining area. After the stock exchange I was given a room with a bed and a desk, a bathroom was across the hall. The kid who showed me into the room left me alone to my thoughts. I was confused, why was I in an actual room now? I stood in the middle of the chamber for a few minutes when the mechanical voice of Bane startled me.

"You can stay here now."

"Why?"

"Do you not want a room, Lillian?" I began to blush under his stare.

"I-I guess."

"Then do not question me. You have three changes of clothes, and you're welcome to roam free when your schedule allows it. This hallway only hosts Barsad and me so if you need…assistance you'll be best off asking one of us."

"Why are you suddenly nice to me?"

"I am not a monster Lillian, all of this is for your growth, you needed to be broken before you can be reshaped. I believe that was achieved tonight night and now your growth will not be hindered by your past." His words struck a chord inside of me, and I realized at that moment how alone I felt, how hopeless everything felt. I lost my chance at freedom when Bruce watched me ride away. I had no chance anymore. These thoughts caused the crushing feeling of a panic attack to sweep over me. He watched me as I sank to my knees trying to steady my breathing. When I couldn't, I was stunned further when he crouched down before me. Two massive hands cupped my face bringing my attention to his dark eyes. He was speaking to me, but I couldn't hear over the blood rushing in my ears. A hand left my face, and I watched in semi-horror and semi-confusion as he placed my palm on his expansive chest, my eyes watched as my hand rose and fell with the rhythm of his breaths and soon my breathing was back to normal. My eyes darted back to his face where I was met with a curious look from the fascinating man. Before I could speak, he hoisted his large body up, pulling me up along with him.

"Rest Lillian." He left before I could thank him. I laid in bed all night thinking about how true his words were, I was broken, I had no hope left, and the only thing that was left for me was either to die or to make it through whatever Bane had planned for me. The next morning, I got up and began my new life. Now, three weeks later I was excelling at my training and fitting in nicely with the other soldiers.

"Ha! I told you I would get up here…" My gloating trailed off as I hung from the rope and spotted Bane standing next to Barsad.

"What was that?" Barsad's cheeky grin caused me to blush. Mumbling a reply that sounded rude even to my ears I began to descend back to the floor. Once there I stood at attention in front of Barsad, who only nodded for me to relax.

"Impressive, you made it up quicker than anyone else." I fought a grin at his comment. My eyes struggled to peek at Bane, and eventually, my brain lost the battle. He was looking at me with eyes that looked like approval if I squinted. I would take that over the disappointment. These were the kinds of thoughts that kept me up at night, why was I feeling this way?

I nodded my head once in their direction then left with food on my mind. I quickly grabbed my apple and sat down in my regular spot. I stopped mid-bite when Bane and Barsad both sat down at my table. Looking around I checked to see if all the other spots were filled, they weren't. This was a new development; these two were never seen eating with the men, especially not with me. I could feel eyes on us, and my face began to heat up under the attention. I liked flying under the radar, and this was not doing that. I stayed silent through the entire meal until I was getting up to leave.

"Lillian you come with me today." My heart stopped at the thought. Was he going to kill me today? Did I not do well enough in my recent training sessions?

"Yes, sir." I sat back down and waited for him to finish discussing things with Barsad and other men. When he rose to leave I followed behind him. He stopped suddenly, catching me off guard but thankfully I stopped before I crashed into his large back.

"You walk behind me as if you are lesser than me, you are not Lillian." I shuffled beside him without saying anything, and we continued on our way. We weaved down multiple hallways before coming to a larger room that was bare except for a few bars hanging at different levels overhead. At a closer look I could see that they weren't bars but pipes, they formed a grid.

"What is this place?" Bane didn't turn his attention to me but continued to walk.

"This is where I train." Bane trains? That was hard for me to picture but when he grabbed a pipe and began to hoist his body up. I stared stunned for a few moments, watching as his muscles rippled beneath his skin with every pull-up. He was mesmerizing, and the thought of him putting me in such a trance scared me. I didn't know what was expected of me but before he could think of something for me to do himself I hoisted myself up on the bar next to him and began to copy his movements. We continued with pull-ups for fifteen minutes according to the basic watch I had been provided, and then we switched to push-ups. Whatever Bane did, I did too. I wasn't sure that's what he wanted, but that's what he was getting. The workout went on for an hour; I was surprised when I didn't feel like I was dying from it all. We sat in silence as I stretched my legs and drank my water. Before I could stop my big mouth, let slip a question that was always on the front of my brain.

"How do you eat or drink?" Dark eyes met mine but seemed to be looking at me in amusement.

"I prefer doing those things alone."

"Oh." I wasn't expecting a truthful answer. It was silent again; I kept peeking at him from the corner of my eye, wondering if it was safe to ask more questions.

'Why am I with you today?' Bane was standing at this point and directed me to stand before him.

"Barsad informed me that you have surpassed his training, I thought you would want a new challenge." My mind instantly flashed to my first sessions with Bane.

"I figured I was too pathetic to train with you." I wasn't sassy in my response; I was only repeating what he told me.

"We will be taking a different approach. Now, attack me." The last part of that sentence caught me off guard.

"What?"

"Attack me." I studied his stance for a second before charging him. I was put down before I even grazed him. The impact on the ground meeting my back took my breath away.

"Oof. Geez, you know how to take a girl's breath away." I stood up and cracked my neck.

"I'm much larger than you Lillian, you won't be able to take me down with rushed force, you will need to use your size to your advantage, take the time to think about how you can use your size against mine." I tried again, and again, and again. Bane stayed patient with me, always stopping to instruct me and teach me. He was a different man than the first one I met, I was confused and during my break I wanted answers.

"Why are you teaching me like this? Why aren't you- why is this time different?"

"You are rising from your ashes, you needed to be broken first, I've told you that before."

"You're real big on the whole ashes thing you know that right? Gotham must rise from its ashes blah blah blah." Failing at imitating his mechanical voice I stopped quickly shooting my eyes up to him. For a moment, I forgot who I was with. With eyes that were crinkled at the corners, Bane helped me stand up and continued to instruct me on new moves. Training sessions like that continued every day for the next two weeks and every day I asked more and more questions, I realized that my fear of Bane was slowly waning in its place admiration was taking over. Today Bane seemed tense during our warm up. We both hung from our pull up bars and began to wrestle with our legs, my abs throbbed anytime we did this workout, but I noticed that my core strength was essential when taking out Bane, so larger enemies in general. I wouldn't need to rely on my speed any longer. Once done with the work out Bane drifted into the shadows as I stretched. I wasn't too worried when he did this; he once told me he was drinking his water which is what I assumed he was doing. When I heard the door open, I was still stretching and didn't pay it any mind. The two arms grabbing me from behind scared me, I knew it wasn't Bane, but I didn't know who it was. I struggled and kicked but the person was much larger than me, I couldn't get free. Another pair of steps rushed forward. I stilled and paid more attention to that one, but the heavy breathing of the man behind me was distracting. The fist making contact with my face dazed me. I slumped. Where was Bane? Why was this happening? When I slumped, I was dropped from the first man's arms. His kick knocked the wind out of me but the second kick sent a sharp pain in my ribs. I had to get out of here. I took off running for the door but it was locked from the outside, both figures advanced on me. I fought through the pain of my ribs and readied myself for the fight. I began to remember the training Bane taught me. It wasn't all about speed; I needed to use my size against theirs. My bar was just to the right of the beefier man, I darted towards it and jumped. My idea was to wrap my legs around his neck to take him down. I just hoped he would follow me. I made it to the bar without any problems, but when I got the man in my grasp, his partner pulled out a gun and fired it at me.

'Fuck!' The gunshot shocked me so bad that I let the man go. His hand wrapped around my ankle and pulled me down resulting in my chin crashing into the concrete floor. These men were going to kill me; this wasn't training. Bane couldn't do it himself so he sent some little shits to kill me. I was fucking livid. He waited till I was comfortable with him and then set this up. I shot up on the ground and jumped on a bar, once up I balanced on it and watched the two fucks below me. As they took aim I positioned myself under the only light in the room; a shot fired and missed me. We were in darkness now. I had the advantage. Another shot grazed my arm. Wincing in pain, I waited for my eyes to adjust and then I attacked. I used everything Bane taught me. I was a fury of fist; my ultimate goal was to get the guns away from the men. With the lights out they were disoriented, my fist taking them by surprise. My leg made contact with one of the guns, sending it flying to where I wasn't sure. The skinnier man, who broke my ribs aimed his weapon in my direction. I didn't think, I just locked my arms behind the other man and yanked him in front of me. The bullet hit its mark except it wasn't on me. His partner fell to the ground.

"You fucking bitch!" I stared in horror at the dead man at my feet. Panic bubbled in my throat but was cut off by two hands wrapping around it and squeezing. My gaze met two angry brown eyes.

"He was my brother you bitch!" I clawed at his hands, his anger and confession breaking me out of my trance of trying to break free. I dropped all my weight to the floor to get out of the chokehold, both falling forwards I took advantage of his shock, my leg met his chest with formidable force even for me, I watched as he stumbled backward. In my head it all happened in slow motion, it was as though I was watching from the other side of the room. It wasn't me who jumped up onto the man's back. It wasn't me who snapped his neck. I heard the final thump of his body dropping to the floor. My hand flew to my mouth, hoping to keep the bile in, the other shook as it reached forward. My shaking hand hovered over the body as I tried to grasp the solid fact that I killed two men. One with my hands. Thinking about that brought my attention to my hands, staring down at them my breaths started coming faster and faster. My eyesight was getting blurry around the edges; I continued to shake. Someone was talking to me, but they sounded as though they were talking through a tunnel and I was standing on the other side. I tried to focus on the voices, but I could only stare at the body. Barsad blocked my view, grasping my hands in his he tried to calm me down. My green eyes met blue, my entire body shook.

"I killed him. I-I'm a mur-murderer. I, I, I-" I could see Barsad mouthing words at me, but nothing was being processed, my mind was still trying to work through everything that happened. I closed my eyes sucking in a deep breath. Attempting to calm my rapid heart and lungs. It wasn't working. When I re-opened my eyes, Bane was standing beside Barsad. I went into a manic state. Jumping up, I lunged at Bane. He didn't seem phased in the slightest, but that didn't stop me. My fist beat on every surface of his body. I was screaming.

"You did this to me! You did this! I trusted you! I trusted you!" Calmly grasping my hands in his he nodded once to Barsad, who was behind me. I struggled against Bane desperate for release. Being so worked up I didn't even notice the prick in my neck. Suddenly sluggish I slumped into Bane's arms.

"You made me a murderer." My words came out slurred. I couldn't tell if Bane replied before I gave in to whatever drug I was dosed with.

I heard his mechanical voice before I could open my eyes. When I did tiredly open my eyes, they only registered white ceilings until my head rolled to the left. There sitting in a plain old chair was Bane and beside him the ever so trusty sidekick Barsad. A chuckle escaped my lips before I could rethink it. Both men turned their attention to me.

"How are you feeling?" Barsad cautiously approached my bedside.

"Shitty." He glanced back at Bane, who nodded once then back at me.

"I'm going to give you something that will help with that."

"Only if I can talk to Bane alone. You get to run your test, don't pretend like that's not really what you want to do, and I get answers. Don't look at him, that's the deal." Barsad nodded once then left without even glancing back at Bane.

"You knew I would demand answers. I don't pretend to feel powerful in the wake of your sidekick moving. I trusted you."

"Trust is a weak attribute, Lillian. You had one thing holding you back from becoming entirely free."

"My refusal to kill someone." He nodded once.

"That doesn't mean I will do it again; I won't." Bane stared at me a solid minute before responding.

"Regardless you have faced that fear and nothing will hold you back."

"Why do you hate Gotham so much? What is so special about me? Why not just have those men kill me?"

"I do not hate Gotham Lillian, I hate the corruption and lies that it is built upon, Gotham represents everything that is wrong with society, and it is time society is cleansed. You, although raised in such a wretched place, have never succumbed to those habits or the selfish life style, you want to help those who are less fortunate than you, you want a better society like I do. Your abilities are valuable to my mission it would be a waste for you to die."

"What will this drug do to me?"

"Make you stronger perhaps but it will continue to prevent you from feeling pain, much like your adrenaline does but more advance."

"Is it like your drug?" For a brief second he seemed shocked, I felt the need to elaborate.

"I'm not stupid I hear the men talk about you. Your mask releases some drug…right?"

"Yes, but this one is not the same. Your willing to take it?"

"What else do I have to lose?" I watched as he picked up the syringe on the bedside table, his large hands engulfing it but not before I took note of the bright green liquid inside the syringe. Right before he injected the fluid into my blood stream I grabbed his hand.

"Do you know what this will do to me?"

"Are you scared?" My chin lifted in defiance. I admit that at one point I might have been terrified, but now I didn't see the harm in trying the drug, maybe it would kill me, maybe I deserve that, or maybe I'm hoping for that. He lifted an eyebrow at me before slowly pushing the unknown toxin into my arm. The fire erupted in my veins. I let out an involuntary gasp, my hands tightened into fist as sweat began to seep out of my pores. Just as suddenly as it came it was gone, in its place was a pleasant feeling of floating. My aches, pains, true sense of time all dissolved. Nothing mattered anymore; I was drifting away. Floating into a peaceful oblivion. The peace I felt brought a sigh from my lips. I wasn't even sure when my eyes wafted shut.

Opening my eyes, I saw that I was no longer in my nightmare, but I was back at the penthouse. I immediately recognized the bed I was in as Bruce's. Briefly, the thought that this wasn't right drifted in the back of my mind but I pushed that thought away, and instead I focused on the figure beside me. Tracing my fingers on his chest, I watched as he smiled down at me. His sleepy smile was contagious, pulling me up so our lips could meet we slowly kissed. Lazily we became tangled together, from underneath him I looked into his brown eyes. Bliss. This was bliss.

"I love you." Smiling my hand briefly cupped his face.

"I love you too." My breathy reply barely escaped as he placed kisses down my body. Placing a kiss on my hip, he stopped to stare at me. Pouting at him for stopping his descent I adjusted so I could see him better. We grinned at each other as I tried to make him continue but he was dead set where he was at.

"Marry me." I thought I heard him wrong.

"Marry me. Let's start a family." Sitting up fully, I grasped his face in my hands.

"You're serious?" With a gentle push we were back where we started, him on top of me but this time, we were both wide awake and grinning.

'Yes. Marry me, let's start a family. Become Mrs. Wayne." I kissed his lips, his cheeks, his neck, anything I could reach. Laughing and kissing him till he pulled back.

"Is this a yes or do I need to ask someone else to be Mrs. Wayne?"

"Wha-Oh! Yes! Yes!"

"In that case, I was busy doing other things." Closing my eyes, I said a prayer that this day would never end.

"Lilly, Lilllllllly, Lilly can you hear me?" My eyes immediately popped open at the strange voice. I was back in the medical bay. It was only my mind replaying my favorite memories. I had thought that I couldn't sink any lower. I was wrong; this was my rock bottom moment. A tear escaped before I could stop it and I was confident that Barsad, who was the one trying to wake me up, saw it. Pushing myself up and him away I looked over to Bane.

"How long was I out?" I didn't feel like I had been out at all; I felt like I had run a marathon.

"An hour at most." He was studying me. Barsad chose to be the one to explain to me what happened. I was given the wrong dosage, the drug was designed to give me a stronger push, more strength and have the ability to go longer in a fight despite any injuries. However, the dosage they gave me was too high and, therefore, caused me to black out. When I was ready, they would try a lower dosage.

'What if I don't want it?'

"You will try the lower dosage; we will take it from there." Bane left me no room to argue. They left me alone after that, and I attempted to sleep off the drugs. Although my body was tired, my brain wouldn't shut off. When I did finally get rest and get better, I wasn't expecting to wake up and find Bane beside my bed. We didn't speak, just stared at each other for a few seconds.

"You will go with Barsad and a few men to the courts today."

"The courts?" Not bothering to explain to me what the courts were his mechanical voice only went on to account for the amount of drugs I was going to get and what they should do to me. Then before I could object another needle entered my arm. This time, I didn't sink into a blissful state only the rush of adrenaline and a slight tingling throughout my body. I felt fantastic.

"Damn, Bane you could buy me dinner before you go sticking things in me." His eyes widened before he walked off. Barsad came in with a change of clothes, telling me that he would wait for me out by the door. Quickly changing I pondered the way I felt. I honestly wouldn't be able to tell a difference if it wasn't for the slight tingling but even that was slowly going away. I quickly changed my clothes and walked out to where Barsad and two others were waiting for me. One of the other men was a younger guy with a baby face. He gave me a funny look when I introduced myself, but I only thought it was because I was the only girl here. I followed behind the three men down multiple halls and then up a ladder. We entered a large spacious room with multiple battle tanks inside it. I stood baffled at the amount of firepower in the chamber.

"I know right, Bane doesn't play." I turned to Josh, who looked unaffected despite his statement.

"You've seen this?"

"No offense Lilz but you're the only one not allowed to go out and play. Let's go." We piled in a tank but I was directed to sit in the middle, I couldn't see where we were going at all. I didn't care. I was enjoying talking to Josh.

"How did you come to work with Bane?" His blue eyes looked over at me followed by a flash of a smile.

"I was an orphan; you played basketball with me twice when you came to the orphanage." I thought back about the last time I played basketball at Gotham's orphanage. While I was going through the faces in my mind, his finally clicked with me.

"Holy shit! Josh McKenzie?! I remember you! You kicked my ass!"

"Well you were pretty bad at playing basketball, but hey! You beat us all a baseball!" He laughed but then grew serious.

"Anyway, I graduated out of the orphanage, not too long after the last time you and that asshole were there."

"Hey, that asshole-" He put his hand up to stop me.

"Whatever, Bruce Wayne is great I'm sure. Back to my story and stop interrupting me. When I got booted out, I had nowhere to go, and I sucked ass at hustling drugs. I was in and out of Black Gate on minor charges, you can only image how fucked up prison is for someone like me. The last time I got out is when Bane found me. He gave me a place to stay and a purpose. Not to sound like a little bitch but Bane saved my life." I stared at Josh carefully before asking him my next question.

"And you're willing to die for him? To kill everyone in Gotham?" Josh's eyes met mine with a determined look.

"Yes because Gotham needs to be cleansed. You know it, you're just to wrapped up in the idea of innocent people dying but Lilz no one in that place is honest, Bane isn't a murderer. He's a revolutionary. Besides, we're all going to die anyway, and I would rather die with a purpose than as a nobody on the streets." We didn't speak after that. It was, at least, a thirty-minute ride till the tank came to a stop, and we piled out. We were at Gotham's courthouse. Inside, at least, a hundred people stood, in the middle of the hall was the scarecrow sitting on a throne-like chair and holding court for one of Gotham's elite. We watched three trials before walking outside; there I could see the poor souls attempting to walk on the thin ice before it shattered beneath them. Flinching I turned away only to have my attention grabbed by Josh. He was in a defiant struggle with a beefy cop. I rushed forward and pulled the two apart, but the police officer wanted a fight. His fist met my jaw, but I couldn't even feel it. That's when I realized that I also couldn't feel the cold. I couldn't feel anything at all. This was awesome! I pushed Josh entirely out of the way and lost all control with the cop in front of me. I couldn't even tell you why I wanted this man dead. But I did. He hardly got any hits in before Josh was pulling me back.

"Lilly we have to go! Lilly!" Turning to Josh, I saw a panicked look in his eyes. He nodded to the end of the street causing me to glance in that direction. There standing at the corner was Batman. Bruce. My mind went into overdrive. The proposal, the breakup, the panic attacks, him leaving me with Bane, every wrong that Bruce had ever committed against me flashed through my mind. A rage I had never felt before was overtaking my brain. My blood rushed hot and furious through my veins. I saw red. Josh was yelling at me to let the cop go that we needed to leave, I could hear other voices calling for us, but it was Bruce calling for me that snapped me out of my trance.

"Lilly? Lilly Rae! Lilly!" Bruce was rushing towards me. I smiled at him then looked down at the cop. Bruce was only fifteen feet away from me when I snatched Josh's gun from his side and fired it into the cop's head. Watching him drop to the ground I smirked and then my eyes lifted to meet Bruce's through his mask. He had stopped, stunned at my actions. Turning around I jumped back into the tank, but before I climbed down into it, I once again turned to Bruce. We stared at each other before someone pulled me down. Josh asked me if I was ok to which I nodded once.

"Are you sure?"

"Fucking Christ Josh yes. Why do you keep asking me?"

"Because your bleeding. "Glancing down I saw that he was right. But I couldn't remember what happened to cause the injury nor could I feel it.

"Oh. Yeah, sorry. Yeah, I'm fine." I guess the drug worked, but the best drug was the look of total horror on Bruce's face when he saw me in the streets. His despair was one that reflected mine when he left me to be Bane's pawn. But I wasn't a pawn I was finally free and I would be thrilled to make sure Bruce Wayne gets what he deserves.


	4. Chapter 4

Hey guys, it's been a hot second and I'm very sorry about that. I decided that Lilly and Bruce deserved better than a half finished story. Even if it sucks. If I still have any readers for this story please review. Just drop me a line to say hi and what you think. And if you think it's terrible then you can tell me that too. Just do it constructivly please.

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I was free until I fell asleep. When I closed my eyes the first thing I saw was that cop's eyes. My body thrashed as I dreamed of him pleading for me to let him go. I saw his family, a little boy screaming at me to stop. I heard Alfred and Gabe calling me a monster. I was standing on a pile of bodies, their hands reached for me, tried to drag me down with them. Each corpse screamed in terror below my feet. I tried to pull my legs out of the corpses grasps but the more I struggled the more they pulled me down. I looked down at two corpses that were trying to crawl up my legs only to find Rachel and Harvey, both of them had looks of disappointment on their faces. Rachel's flesh was charred and falling off. I begged for her to let me go as she steadily climbed up to face me. Her face was inches from mine, she opened her mouth to speak but only smoke came out. I woke up screaming.

I was covered in sweat. My stomach rolled, forcing me to take a deep breath before I lost my dinner. Breathing through my nose I stood up and made my way to the tiny bathroom. As I splashed water on my face my door clicked open. My eyes connected with Bane's through the mirror as I patted my face dry. I watched as he made himself comfortable at my desk, content with just waiting for me. Sitting on top of my bed across from him I laid my head on my knees while looking at him.

"The drugs have worn off." His mechanical grumble helped calm my racing heart a tad. Just that thought alone caused my stomach to roll uneasily all over again.

"Is that why I feel this way?" He only nodded before stating that I'll get used to it but I wasn't sure that I wanted to.

"What then? Do I become a mindless pawn? I kill with no regrets?" I bit my lip from continuing. I knew by the sharp looking in his eyes that I said something wrong and I regretted it. I was going crazy. I knew it before I killed that cop. I knew it the second I started to believe in Bane's cause. I knew it the second I stopped thinking of my training as survival. I had fallen down the rabbit hole before the drugs were introduced to my system but maybe I could still crawl my way out. Maybe. Bane kept his cold eyes on me a few minutes before leaving without a word. I wasn't sure why he had come at all. I spent the rest of my night avoiding closing my eyes. I couldn't handle the guilt of what I'd done.

I didn't have time to think about my deteriorating mind and guilt-ridden heart in the morning before I was being pulled away by Barsad. Bane had requested us in a meeting this morning. He wouldn't tell me who it was with but when we met up with Bane I was shocked to see him talking to a woman. She was standing as far away from him as he would allow. Her eyes darted around looking for an escape but when they landed on me they grew wide with surprise. I stared back at her until Bane dismissed her and called Barsad over to him. My eyes took in the head to toe leather the woman was wearing and her cat-like mask. I wondered what Bane wanted from her...and on how she could walk in her high-heeled boots. When she stopped next to me I turned my eyes back to Bane and tried to figure out why I was here. I flinched when the woman began to walk in circles around me.

"I can see now why the Bats is so obsessed with you." My eyes pierced into her causing her to smirk. She trailed a finger across my collarbone and stepped closer to me.

"Don't look so surprised, he says hi." I grasped her wrist with a violent force. Her eyes widened in shock and she tried to pull away.

"What do you know about the Batman?" I wasn't even thinking about Bane who was still in the room. I wanted to know what she knew. I wanted information on Bruce. Anything.

"I know he'll do anything to get his little flower back." The annoyance in her tone went over my head. I was too busy thinking of Bruce. Bruce, who watched me kill that cop. Bruce, who stopped loving me long before this, who watched me ride away on the back of Bane's back. She was fucking with me. Bane put her up to this. Maybe I was being tested. Turning my attention back to Bane I shoved her arm away from me. I needed to stay calm. That life is over. If I want to survive then I don't need to fall for his test. Bruce doesn't care about me anymore. That wasn't my life anymore and I wasn't that girl anymore. I don't think I could ever be that girl again. My mind could tell my heart that but my heart wouldn't listen, instead, it started with opposite emotions and questions. What if he was looking for me? I knew he would stay to fight for Gotham. I knew it the second I saw him but I couldn't stomach the idea of him coming against Bane just to get to me. Bane would destroy Batman, he would destroy Bruce. He already wanted to.

"Listen, I have a message for you from him, he'll help you-"My hand wrapped around her throat before she knew what happened. I registered a shout from Barsad behind me but I couldn't think about that. She couldn't let Bruce get himself killed. Not for me. Not for this godforsaken city.

"You have to tell him to stop. He should leave me alone, tell him to leave Gotham. Please! You have to tell him. You can't let him get himself killed. Both of you leave while you can!" Hysteria bubbled in my throat. I grasped her shoulders and pleaded with her.

"Please. He has to leave. I'm not worth it. Gotham isn't worth it. Please-"Bane tore me away from her. I struggled against his grip, trying to run back to this woman, I thrashed and called out but he continued to walk away.

"Please! Please! Please. Please." My struggle against Bane died down the further we got from the other two. I didn't say anything when he placed me down in front of him, I didn't have anything to say. I couldn't let him know what she said to me, that would only get her and Bruce killed. Maybe my actions would get me killed. I hesitated at looking up into Bane's eyes, I expected to see anger but instead when I got the nerve to look at him all I saw was the disappointment. I tried to think of something to say but I was speechless. My heart dropped at that look in his eyes. I didn't want him to look at me this. My face heated up in shame and I tried to think of anything to make it better. He turned his attention away from me to call over two men, I stayed silent as they each grabbed one of my arms and started to escort me behind Bane. As we began to walk down the hallway I started to recognize where we were. The further we walked the more familiar the area became. I knew where he was taking me. I tried pulling out of my captors' grips and when that didn't work my body became limp. I was dead weight but they didn't even stumble as they dragged me down the hall. Bane didn't turn as tears fell from my face. I didn't bother to plead for him to let me go. I deserved this. When they put me in the room I stood back from the door, tears falling down my face and I watched Bane as they closed the door on me. Once again I was submerged in only darkness.

* * *

Selena didn't know what to tell the Bats. He wanted to get a message to his little flower and Selena couldn't believe what she was hearing from him. She wanted to tell him to shove his message right up his ass, she didn't want to go anywhere near Bane. For anyone. But she did it and when she saw the girl she knew she had to help in some way. That could have been her. She could still hear her screams as she waited for Bruce to show up. She didn't know exactly what to tell him. How do you tell a guy that the only thing he's holding on to is gone? She knew that the reason Bruce was so intent on taking down Bane and preventing him from destroying Gotham was that he wanted this girl back. He could say differently but Selena had hacked into his database. His search was all about her and the people connected to her.

She put on a brave face when she saw him and looked at him closely before sauntering over to him.

"Did you see her?" Her mind flashed to the empty look in her eyes when she first spotted her. Then to the desperation in her voice and face when she begged for her to tell Bruce to leave Gotham. The flashback made her skin crawl.

"Did you get the message to her?" I didn't get a chance to before she snapped. I watched a human being crumble into madness right before my eyes all because I tried to do what you asked.

"The girl you knew is dead. You should leave it at that." If you don't you're only going to find more heartbreak.

"Bane mentioned a Talia al Ghul do you recognize that name? She turned towards him but he was already gone.

"I hate when you do that." She mumbled to herself.


End file.
